it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
