When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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