So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
