my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
