Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
