like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
