i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
