I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
