he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
