Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
