Princesses don't give blow jobs
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you made out with another girl for some wings
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
