If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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