I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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