i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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