Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
