She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
