guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The ass gains better be worth it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
