wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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