If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
