oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
