Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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