I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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