I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
