I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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