i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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