i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
