What a fucking waste of an outfit
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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