Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
