I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
