the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
