You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
