I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When are your genitals available?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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