I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
