Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
