I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
