I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
