she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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