Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize