Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
