Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize