But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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