On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
