I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
