so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
