im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
