Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
