My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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