why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
