The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
