I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
