I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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