yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
