I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize