areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
