Please, let me fuck your mom
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
