i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
