"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
