I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Naked Twister starts at high noon
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I need water and some morals
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
