So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
