remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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