woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
