Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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