Michael Bay diarrhea
you didnt know i had herpes?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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