WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
