at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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