So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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