went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
