508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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