It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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