As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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