Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
