I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im holly from the hills drunk
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
