Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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