I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize